I am married to a Leprechaun. What is a Leprechaun, you may ask? According to that great source of knowledge, Wikipedia, a leprechaun is “a type of fairy of the Aos Sí in Irish folklore.” Well, the Leprechaun I married is no fairy, so to speak, but he is short and loves to make mischief, as the article goes on to say. Read the article here.
I originally started to call my husband a Leprechaun because he is undertall, and is definitely some sort of Gaelic/Celtic/Anglo/Scotch-Irish heritage. So, the epithet stuck. Like, for 19 years. (Must be true, right?)
In my past life, I was involved in the production of Readers Theatre for Westport Center for the Arts in KCMO. One of our endeavors was the telling of Darby O’Gill stories from Herminie Templeton Kavanaugh. If you have not read them, they were the basis for the Disney movie of 1959, but way more fun. We hired “real actors” to read the tales, and they could do a rather authentic sounding brogue, which was tons of fun.
But, I digress. The Leprechaun about whom I am writing is my dear husband, and his care and feeding is along the lines of this (a la The Ten Commandments):
I. Thou shalt always serve meat, because thy Leprechaun is a carnivore (I am not). If the Leprechaun doesn’t get meat at least seven days a week, he has a meltdown, and makes piteous cries, and stringent demands. He sometimes will go for a vegetarian meal, but don’t push it. He also needs to have “healthy snacks” so he isn’t “forced” to eat junk food. Per himself.
II. Thou shalt respect thy Leprechaun, even be gentle. Leprechauns, in spite of all evidence to the contrary, are very tender-hearted and sensitive.
III. Thou shalt allow some “mansplaining.” Not too much, but he does love a good, one-sided conversation. Rabbit trails are a particular specialty. Also, do not make thy eye-drooping too obvious.
IV. Thou shalt not watch “progressive” TV programs in thy Leprechaun’s presence. This is a sure way to upset his tender sensibilities. (See Number II.)
V. Thou shalt avoid political discussions. They never end well. (See Number II.)
VI. Thou shalt reassure the Leprechaun of thy tender feelings daily.
VII. Thou shalt forgive thy Leprechaun liberally.
VIII. Thou shalt use tact when speaking with thy Leprechaun. Otherwise, shitstorm. (See Number II. Again)
IX. Thou shalt provide liberal backrubs to thy Leprechaun. This is actually nice, because it keeps him calm, and may lead to more fun. (Wink, wink! Nudge, nudge!)
X. Thou shalt be patient with thy Leprechaun. God isn’t finished with him yet. And neither am I.
There is more, and there will be more, but the final word is, my Leprechaun is a wonderful human being. He is witty, funny, fun to be with, and he loves me, never an easy thing to do. He is industrious, and inspiring in his grit. So, if you have a Leprechaun, I hope you enjoy yours as much as I enjoy mine.